Keeping in Touch

How do you keep in touch with your teenagers without invading their privacy or challenging their newfound independence?

Hint: when they do call, they don't want you to criticize, cross-examine or solve every crisis for them; frequently they just need you to listen.  Here's how to keep those lines of communication open without stepping on any toes:

• Modern technology offers all kinds of inducements for you to "reach out and touch someone."  There are prepaid phone cards, 800 numbers, calling cards, cell phones, answering machines, voice mail and e-mail.  Although telephoning is probably the most common form of communicating, with everyone's busy schedule, it can turn into frustrating phone tag.  Some families set up regular calling times when everyone is available.
• E-mail is a wonderful invention because it's convenient, inexpensive, fun and not as emotional as some phone calls.  However, if you use it to nag, they may learn to hit "delete" before they even open it.  Try sending online electronic greeting cards.
• Mail no-occasion greeting cards, current photos or articles, cartoons and items of interest from magazines or the local paper.  College students love to get something in the mailbox besides bills, junk and grades.
• Foster a close relationship between your children. If possible, make arrangements for younger siblings to visit the campus on their own.
  • Encourage them to call and e-mail each other. Offer to pay for all phone calls between siblings.
• Develop new traditions when your student comes home on break:
  • Go out for a one-on-one lunch.
  • Stay up late together, raid the fridge and have a kitchen table bull session. When you start to relate to each other as adults, they're more likely to share the fears, triumphs, and trivia of their lives with you.
• SEND PACKAGES.
  • Non-perishable home-baked goodies like brownies and cookies will disappear instantly in any dorm.
  • A beloved stuffed animal or memorabilia from home can cheer up someone who's overwhelmed or homesick.
  • Popcorn, candy, or a gift certificate might be the high point of a college student's day.
  • Ordering from a catalogue or online makes it a snap for you.
  • Holidays are a perfect excuse for a card or package: Halloween, Valentine's Day, and Groundhog Day.
  • Don't forget those stressful exam periods.
  • Celebrate birthdays away from home by sending cakes, flowers, balloons, goody bags. (Try ordering from the college's local yellow pages.)